[L]et’s face it; divorce is a sensitive subject in most families no matter how prepared you think you are. There are, luckily, ways to ensure that your children are handling a healthy divorce in ways that don’t promote more storms as you go through it.
It’s all about being a good parent to them, after all, and that is the one thing you and their mother still have in common. Here is a handful of excellent ways to talk to your children about the divorce and making sure that you’re able to get through it in one piece.
It helps them to handle their emotions a bit better in the future as well, by the way, and you can make sure that you don’t leave anything unsaid which should have been talked about.
For a Healthy Divorce, Focus on the Positive
Sure, the roots of this situation may come from a negative place such as arguments, resent and endless rounds of criticism, but this doesn’t mean that you can’t focus on the great days ahead. Your family has a chance to build a happier future now, after all, and it’s easy to see the bright side as long as you actually try.
If the kids are going to stay with their Mom some weekends, you can talk about all the great stuff they might like to get for their new bedroom, for example. The local area in their second home may also be a bit interesting and they’ll be able to look forward to a bit of excitement in terms of decorating their second bedrooms and exploring the local neighborhood.
Try not to put a damper on this by being resentful when they’re spending a weekend away, though, and always avoid bad-mouthing their other parent. Save these topics for your friends, other family members, or your divorce lawyer and spare your kids from all the criticism.
Next: Make Sure that They’re Heard
One of the most important things you can do for your kids in this situation is to make sure that they feel heard. This is, of course, a fine balancing act in terms of focusing on a positive future while also listening to your children’s concerns; if you have more than one, you might find that they are handling the situation in different ways.
Listen to them. If they’re worried about something and try to make it clear that they’re still loved even if their parents don’t live together anymore. They may shift between a sense of carelessness to all of this and sadness that so much is changing. Make sure to ensure that you’re not making them feel guilty for being a bit sad about the situation.
Allow them to be happy and carefree if this is their way of handling the situation and make sure that they’re able to confide in you as well if they should feel otherwise. All emotions are valid and they should always be heard no matter how they feel about the situation.
For a Healthy Divorce, Always Be Support of Your Kids
Keep in mind that, even if your child seemed alright when you told them about the divorce, the memory of this conversation will stay with them forever.
Feelings will change. They might feel differently about it all in a few months. For example, when they’ve had some time to process it all – you can be available and supportive to discuss their feelings of loss.
Contributed post. Feature image via Pexels.