[L]ast time, we covered the first of five ways you can rebuild a relationship with your Ex. You can read Lawyers are Gone Time to Rebuild Trust Part 1 Briefly, they were: 1. Keep a Promise 2. Be Consistent 3. Be Considerate 4. Keep Trying 5. Listen.
6. Show Restraint. With emotions running high before, during and after a break-up, ill feelings are often harbored, maybe for years. All of that makes it easy to overreact (and justify same). However, always remember that communication with this person is necessary for the duration of Sally’s formative years, maybe longer. Stay calm when personal negative comments are made, and eventually your Ex will discover you aren’t ‘taking the bait,’ and communication will improve.
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7. Ask Her Opinion. It’s a most effective way of building communication. Take an issue you don’t really care about and ask for your Ex’s input. Allowing her to participate in the decision-making process on behalf of Johnny shows your Ex you trust her judgment and value her contributions. If you are having trouble talking direct, consider a letter to the Ex instead.
8. Affirm Your Ex’s Relationship with Sally. Consider what your Ex’s relationship really means to Johnny. What does it mean to you, witnessing the development of their bond and connection; doing that will tear down years of defensiveness and anger.
9. Visualize a Positive Future. Instead of focusing on what’s gone wrong with you and your Ex, imagine the productive results when you tow co-parent effectively, communicate clearly and go forward instead of looking back.
Never Underestimate the Power of an Apology
10. Apologize. If you have done something for which you should atone, and ask forgiveness for the pain and actions you have caused. Don’t assume that something that happened long ago doesn’t matter anymore. This act can be the beginning of taking your relationship from adversarial to collaboration. Then the two of you can work together as equals to raise your children.
Everyone’s situation is different, and following all 10 steps outlined in these two blogs is likely unnecessary, and probably impossible. So concentrate on the ones that speak specifically to you, and act on those. The relationship to your Ex will not only improve, but so will that between parents and Sally.
What suggestions would you recommend in restoring trust with your Ex?
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