The end of a relationship, or the impending end, is rarely going to be a smooth or easy ride for anyone. It’s certainly not fun. But it’s important to remember that it can always get a whole lot worse if you let it. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens. It’s not some unknown force or a malicious outside party that makes a break-up get nasty. It’s the mistakes we make as we go through them. So, it’s time to share a little wisdom and show some of the mistakes you better avoid at all costs if you’re looking at the end of a marriage.
Making Zero Effort at Resolving Issues
You’ve likely heard this before if you’re already at this stage. It’s not always worth staying a marriage, but there are plenty of couples who get right up to the brink and still manage to take a step back and become stronger for it. It’s worth at least one attempt at mediation or marriage counselling before throwing in the towel unless the relationship is ending because of a truly massive betrayal or difference in life plans. You know best, yourself, whether a relationship has even a chance of being salvaged, so follow your gut above all else. Don’t make a choice because family or friends are pressuring you to.
End of Marriage Mistakes: Getting the Kids too Involved
Children are going to be somewhat involved in a divorce. It’s impossible to avoid that. The question of custody is going to come up and even if both parties amicably agree, the lasting psychological impacts of divorce on children are impossible to avoid. What you can do, however, is make sure that you’re not involving them personally or directly. You have to be the adults in the room. There should be absolutely no point-scoring with children involved, and no influence from either side when it comes to a child’s opinion of their parents. Remember, in most cases, your kids are going to have both of you in their lives for good.
Keep your Online Lips Zipped
The whole world doesn’t need to know about your relationship, either. It’s a relatively new problem, but already it has caused a whole lot of trouble in divorce proceedings. We are talking, of course, about social media. Using the internet indiscreetly and, in particular, telling social media all of your problems can have a real impact on your divorce. Amongst emails and text messages, both public and private messages through Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media channel is admissible evidence in court. Sometimes, that kind of indiscretion can work in your favor, but it also means you have to be careful about what you put online.
Involving Another Woman
You want to move on from a failed relationship at some point. We’re going to explore that a little further in another point. But what you shouldn’t do is succumb to the urge to rebound or start piecing things back together before a divorce is finalized. If you’re already in another relationship at the time of the marriage breaking apart, then it’s time to put that on the back-burner. Getting another woman involved is rarely, if ever, a good idea. It gets your wife worked up, it gets you defensive, and it doesn’t paint an image of you as the most reliable and stable environment provider for any child involved in the divorce. It’s tempting to “break free”, but keep it caged for now and avoid a relationship.
Thinking it’s Going to be Straightforward
All’s fair in love and war, as they say. No matter how amicable you want it to be, you are going to be leaving yourself open if you don’t at least take the precaution of having some representation on your side. Just because you get a divorce lawyer involved doesn’t mean that you have to get aggressive with how the end of a marriage goes. It’s up to you if you want a fight. However, you can rest assured that unless you’ve agreed on a meditation outside the court, your other half is going to have some legal advice. If you have none ready to protect you, you could see yourself giving up much more than you expect.
Assuming it’s Going to be “Fair”
This is a controversial point amongst some but almost universally recognized to be true. Men have a much harder time in the divorce courts and in judgments regarding custody than women do. The evidence has shown bias towards the women in the matter time and time again. Unmarried men have an even harder time, but though a married man’s rights are no difference, the judgments of the judiciary figures involved don’t always reflect the rights as they stand from an impartial reading. Most guys would benefit from learning about pre-divorce planning while the signs are there, but the train hasn’t begun to run off the tracks yet. Otherwise, prepare for an uphill battle.
Holding Onto the Battle
When the divorce is done, it’s done. You can go on to fight and appeal to make modifications to a divorce judgment. In some cases, you might find that absolutely necessary. In others, however, you have to decide whether it’s worth the cost, the time, the trouble, and the fact that any new judgments might not necessarily be in your favor. It’s best to let go of the battle, and the relationship, once a decision is finalized. Work alongside your ex-partner as best you can, focus on being a father if you are one and look into the possibility of dating again. The end of the last chapter of your life might have been particularly painful, but that doesn’t mean the next can’t be the best yet.
You can’t guarantee that a divorce and your life after will go smoothly even if you follow the tips above. You can, however, avoid shooting yourself in the foot and blaming yourself for what follows. Keep the above in mind if you want to have the best chance of making it through the end of a marriage intact.