Sometimes, it’s no-one’s fault. Your marriage simply isn’t working and you both know it. You want to do what’s right for your kids and family but you also need to do what is right for you. Even when you both know that marriage isn’t working, it can take a lot of strength to admit it to each other.
Managing an amicable separation may sound impossible but with a bit of work on both sides, it can be done. Avoiding animosity is really important for your kids but it is also important for you. You may not be in love anymore but remaining friends is possible and since you have spent so much quality time together, it would be a shame to throw it away now.
So how can you avoid getting sucked into the blame game that surrounds so many separations and ruins so many relationships?
Amicable Separation – Find an Understanding Lawyer
A lot of divorces really come down to how the lawyers behave. Some lawyers encourage their clients to be more aggressive in order to “win” more later on. This strategy might appeal to some people but does escalate the situation where you might actually want to settle more quickly.
Finding a lawyer who understands that you aren’t looking to “win” over your ex is really important. Indeed one of the good things about Erin Russell is that this firm focuses on finding a fair resolution. It can be quite daunting to split your belongings and work out what is best for you both so having an understanding lawyer to advise you is really worth your while.
Be Honest About How You Feel without Assigning Blame
While a lawyer can help with more practical things like deciding who gets what, you also need to be able to talk to each other about how you feel. Even though you are splitting up, you still need to be able to communicate your needs without slipping into a blame game.
Using more neutral statements to begin conversations is a good way to start and sticking to observable behaviour works well too. This makes it easier for your partner to concede without losing face or having to admit to wrongdoing. You should also be willing to make some compromises when you discuss your relationship and what you both need.
Amicalbe Separation – Focus on Carving a New Relationship for the Future
You might well be separating but if you have kids, you will certainly see each other again. While you are in the midst of a separation, imagining how you will ever work together again may be hard but it is a good idea. By focusing on how you will co-parent in the future, you can start to build a new relationship that works better for you. And you can start to put your old relationship behind you.
Amicable separation is possible but it can be quite difficult to manage. Keep your cool while you are talking and focus on the main things you want to achieve through the separation.
Contributed post. Feature image via Unsplash.