Let’s face it; divorce is a sensitive subject in most families no matter how prepared you think you are. There are, luckily, ways to ensure that your children are handling a healthy divorce in ways that don’t promote more storms as you go through it.
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We have so many internal conflicts when we are striving to be a better father, not least when we are going through the divorce process. Sometimes we can feel that we have to protect our kids from all of the pain and anguish that we are going through, but conversely, are we doing as much damage to our children by not letting them in? This begs the question, how much should we really shield our children from the divorce, and is there anything we can do to make the process more palatable for them?
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There is no denying that a divorce can be an incredibly stressful and upsetting period in anyone’s life. When your emotions are high, it can be easy to do things that you otherwise wouldn’t usually do – you know, like cut up your partner’s clothes or drive their prized car into a wall! Although mildly satisfying – not a good idea! With that being said, read on to discover a number of different things you should never do during a divorce.
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You’ve put up with so much for so long. You’ve been so unhappy. But today was it. Maybe it was one last argument. Or it could have been the stark, albeit unhappy realization that you just don’t love her and you never will. So you are ready to take that scary step, the one that will affect you, your family and most of your relationships for the rest of your life. So you’ve decided on the only answer: Divorce.
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Yes, half of all marriages end in divorce. That stat has been floating around for so long, that its almost part of our cultural fabric. But according the Huffington Post, the nation’s divorce rate has been dropping for years. About 70% of marriages that began in the 1990s reached their 15th anniversary, up from roughly 65% that began in the 70s and 80s.
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Out of respect to my daughter, I haven’t shared much about my current co-parenting situation. As I review and compare DGC to other custody blogs, I realize I have purposely left out the million crazy instances of co-parenting with someone who has a very different moral and parenting style. As the title of this blog indicates, Daddy Got Custody, I have been the custodial parent since my daughter was four (she’s about to be 17 next month).
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“What is best for the children?” We ask that question constantly, regardless of the situation. Here we talk mostly about divorcing parents and how Dads can get child custody. We also consider those times where maybe, just maybe, the parents can reconcile their differences, patch up conflicts, and put many of their not seeing-eye-to-eye moments behind them, and reestablish the family unit.
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Dads who are unfamiliar with the court system often don’t realize that even in family court, there are a lot of procedures in place to expedite the process of settling child custody matters. Because of this, a court will often make a number of assumptions about how much time Dad spends with his kids, and will default to standard visitation.
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Relocation is a common issue in divorce cases. Often, the courts will put restrictions on the custodial parent’s responsibilities. He or she should keep the child within certain geographic boundaries. In Texas, we call this domicile restriction to discourage a parent who wishes to relocate with children.
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So you’ve got two kids, and you and your Ex are haggling over custody? Both might expect a long, expensive, protracted legal battle, something no one really wants or can afford. But neither of you wants to give up custody. But who says the kids should stay together? Is splitting children a reasonable custody strategy?
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When dealing with divorce, parents tend to get silo minded in their thinking of “What’s in Johnny’s best interest?” Here are a few misguided myths, parents and children have on divorce. Myth 1: My Child will be Better Off If an *Ex* is Out of the Picture. Children seldom view a parent in the same way as an adult. Even if a parent is *‘out of the picture,’* they are always in the children’s mind.
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If you are an extraordinary parent, asking for sole custody doesn’t make you a bad guy. Would Susie’s life be better off with her spending the majority of time with you? Are you capable of being the primary parent? If you answer those questions honestly and are not the better parent, then I think joint custody is absolutely fine to walk into. Just understand exactly what you are signing up for.
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You knew this moment was coming. There have been signs for months. You walked out to your car to go to lunch and a gentlemen asks your name, then hands you divorce paperwork. You’ve been suddenly served divorce. What are the First Tasks to Accomplish When Suddenly Served Divorce?
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For years, you kept your family together through hidden conflicts and unspoken conflict. Maybe you knew the day would come when you and your spouse would call it quits. Perhaps you even discussed it. One day, the last child leaves to begin his own life with his new family.
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Back in February, DGC told of a couple who had separated (Beginning Divorce: Awkward and Hard). They have two children. The Dad, sole breadwinner with a good job, moved into an apartment. They continued marriage counseling. Eventually, they got back together, but the reunion was short-lived.
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After a divorce, I urge people to absolutely stay away from drugs and other anesthetics like overeating, but I do suggest simple tools like regular exercise to help people through the emotional turmoil.” – Dr. Michael Plumeri, psychologist and author. Dr. Plumeri, himself a child of divorce, helped Lisa Bien get through her own divorce experiences. The psychologist advises his patients to postpone…
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In most marriages, moms spend more time taking care of the kids than any other adult. When the kids are young, it is very important that you take your wife out on date nights, and quarterly spend time away from the kids. But we’re not talking about marriage building. Your wife is talking divorce. Maybe she has just served you paperwork. She is totally stressed out.
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We’ve all heard it, maybe seen it up close or can speak of first-hand experience. “I’m unhappy in my marriage, but I’m staying in it for my kids.” But should you? Is it an idea that stems from good intentions but is it really in the best interest of the kids? Now we can find all kinds of confusing statistics and graphs that tell us that is or isn’t the proper course of action, but what about…
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Parents considering divorce face far more considerations than do childless couples. Their actions affect far more than in-laws and friends. They also can’t make a ‘clean break,’ since for the next few (if not several) years, they will be…
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In the continuing theme of “What’s in the Best Interest of a Child,” divorce mediation expert Robert Emery, PhD has come up with “The Children’s Bill of rights in Divorce.” In a partial summary, Dr. Emery says, “If you can give your children these freedoms, you will have gone a long way toward filling your responsibilities as a parent.”
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For $50 million, do you think you could suffer through this pathetic marriage situation for 2 or 5 years until your kids are grown? When I tell this to dads or co-parenting situations, almost everybody says *“Yes!”* Because the reward factor is higher than the pain factor!
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When you go through divorce, much is made of the negative effects on the children. Sometimes, it makes the divorcing parents feel even worse, and maybe even depressed. While it is without question one of the hardest aspects on children, there can be some positive kid reasons of divorce.
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“A hundred years from now it will not matter what sort of house I lived in, what my bank account was, or the kind of car I drove, but the world may be different because I was important in the life of my child.” It’s been estimated that between 40-50% of marriages will end in divorce, and 60% of those will involve children.
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You and your Ex have come to an amicable agreement regarding child custody. After weeks or maybe months of haggling, debating, the usual give and take, arm-wrestling, thumb wars, any kind of negotiating, you finally figure it out. You have found a way to share custody of your child.
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