TThroughout life, our personal connections go through a metamorphosis. Parents go from being authority figures to counselors, confidants, sometimes even friends. Over time, the bond with spouses mature, and lives grow more nurturing.
Most of the time.
Sometimes, the intimacy deteriorates, and the couple determines they and/or their lives are no longer compatible and they make the difficult decision to split. They come to the conclusion that They Cannot Save their Marriage from Divorce? The loving relationship, the one they thought or at least hoped, would last a lifetime is ended. However, the emotions endure. But they have gone through a radical change. They become more strained and volatile. And that instability can roll over into your relationship with your children.
And that’s a big mistake.
For the children’s sake—and your sanity, those emotions must be kept in check while you deal with your Ex on a whole new, unexpected level.
It’s now business. Part of business is handling uncomfortable situations. While that’s pretty much apart of life, on a personal level, we deal with a bad situation then move on. When dealing with a family breakup, the uncomfortableness can take years to dissipate.
While difficult, if both parents develop that “business-like” attitude, they will likely find smoother negotiations, and maybe even disposing the need for an attorney. The children will be better off, not just now, but they will pick up on that attitude, and have a better feel about the drastic changes about to occur in their lives. Less tension between parents, less angst for the children, means a more productive long-term outlook for the family.
Children will also maintain greater respect for the parents, and will pick-up critical lessons about dealing with life. They will learn that conflict doesn’t mean the relationship ends. Life will dictate changes and that successful people will adapt and learn how to appropriately deal with conflict, and recognize enduring value in the other person. Even when a relationship transitions from one of love to one of business. A workable business like relationship, for the good of the kids.
How have you found common ground to work with your Ex, for the good of the kids, after the marriage is over?
Image courtesy of arztsamui and featured image courtesy of cuteimage & adamr, all from FreeDigitalPhotos.net.