[G]etting co-parenting right with a person you are no longer in a relationship with can be really tough. Depending on the terms of the split, you might find communication tough, and crossed wires can lead to all kinds of arguments and disagreements. Even if you split in amicable terms, certain things can come up that can make this new relationship difficult to navigate – such as starting a relationship with a new person.
Here, we’re going to discuss what not to do when you split up with the mother of your child. Make sure you avoid doing the things outlined here to keep your relationship as amicable and your kids as happy as possible:
Mother of Your Child – Don’t Simply ‘Put Your Issues Aside’
If you simply ‘put your issues aside’, without talking them through, you can bet they are still there in the background like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. You will likely experience issues at some point because of this. It’s a good idea to work on the relationship between the two of you so you can be teammates rather than opposing forces in the raising of your child or children. If things don’t go to plan, you may have to deal with a custody hearing – make sure you get advice so you can deal with this in the most mature way and ensure things go in your favor.
If you do manage to sort things out with your Ex (who you should now think of as your child’s mother rather than ‘Ex’) great! You should be able to avoid awkward situations – just don’t blur the lines. Some things are no longer either of your business. They don’t need to know your Saturday night plans and you don’t need to know who they’re dating. Agree on boundaries, such as what is best for your child if one of you does enter into a new relationship. If you have the tendency to meet lots of new people, it’s probably best until you’re serious about somebody before introducing them to your children.
Don’t Play The Blame Game
Accept your part in the split, and accept how Johnny’s mother feels. Listen even if you don’t fully agree. This is the only way you’re going to be able to resolve your issues and move forward.
Mother of Your Child – Don’t Use Your Child As A Counselor
Never, ever use your child as a counselor. You shouldn’t be telling them bad things about their mother, and they should not be doing it either. If you need somebody to speak to, consider finding a licensed therapist. Your child should not feel like your *‘rock’*.
Don’t Force Your Child To Be Happy
Of course you want to make sure they are happy in this new and confusing situation. However, if you always try to make your child feel happy out of guilt, they might end up feeling like they can’t let their true feelings show. It’s totally normal for them to be sad, so don’t invalidate their emotions, and be sure they know that both parents still love them deeply and will be there for them no matter what.
Contributed post. Feature image via Pexels.