[F]ifty, forty or even thirty years ago, the concept of divorce was still pretty fresh. It was raw. It was like winning the lottery in the worst possible way, by which we mean it was still really rare. Fast-forward to the modern day and half of all marriages end in a courtroom somewhere and, we’ve got to be honest, most are messy. They are shouting matches, ferocious, full of finger pointing and unreasonable demands, the kind that makes all others wonder how these two people ever tied the knot in the first place. Luckily, this scenario is slipping into the sands of time.
Nowadays, couples want to find more amicable ways to get out of each other’s lives. They would rather laugh than shout, hug than scream and, well, just avoid being mired in the blame game which, come on, no one comes out of as a winner. The big problem is the law.
Yup. The law is geared toward making couples despise each other, and that’s because ever verdict puts someone at blame. There is no such thing as a ‘no blame’ divorce and that’s a problem.
But even though the law has caught up with the modern way in which couples divorce, there are still a few modern trends that have emerged to drastically change the way in which you can approach the end of a marriage, as we’re about to explain:
1. Modern Divorces: The ‘Do It Yourself’ Divorce
One of the big realizations that have sprung up from couples that have either divorced or are divorcing is the role of their lawyers. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a shock because the longer a divorce takes the more money the lawyers get paid. That’s why getting married is so simple and getting divorced is so complicated, and so expensive as https://www.daddygotcustody.com/the-true-cost-of-divorce/ explains. What this means is, not only do you end up spending a bunch, you end up loathing the other person as a result. The trend: representing yourself. In fact, surveys say that about 40% of people now represent themselves in divorce cases. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the best solution and, what you may find is, you don’t get the outcome you wanted or deserved. That said, if a divorce is relatively straightforward then this could absolutely be the answer to an amicable split. If it’s a mutual thing it could just be a matter of filling in forms and doing paperwork. Easy.
2. The Rise Of The Divorce Selfie
“Anytime you are able to find humor in a situation, you win.” That’s how the quote goes, and divorce is no different as the divorce selfie proves. People have gotten so accustomed to sharing everything on social media these days – breakfast, parenting fails, when waxing goes wrong, pets dressed up as characters from Harry Potter and so much more – divorce is just another part of that. It is being able to laugh at where you are now and then move on amicably and, who knows, maybe even as friends. For example, not too long ago, Shannon and Chris Neuman posted their divorce selfie onto Facebook and found it got shared 30,000 times, which was partly because the photo showed pure happiness and partly because it came with the words, “We have respectfully, thoughtfully and honourably ended our marriage in a way that will allow us to go forward as parenting partners.” That’s how to do it.
3. Modern Divorces – Conscious Uncoupling
Okay, so the new-era language is totally cringing and disturbing and managed to get the whole world frown at once but, that aside, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s decision to consciously uncouple was a huge step forward. It was sensible. We consciously decide when we are couples, so why not consciously decide when to end it if things aren’t working out? Like we said, the terminology is still a little bizarre, but it is basically a decision based on love and respect for each other’s feelings, and in a way that nullifies the effects of total hatred and collateral damage. That’s gotta be a good thing, right?
Keep The Family Home
In a list of big mistakes made during divorces, which you can read all about at https://rowdywilliams.com/8-biggest-mistakes-people-make-divorce/, a lot of the worst ideas involve the kids. It’s things like using them as leverage, stopping support payments and, worst of all, making them get used to the new living arrangements. You know what we mean. When people get divorced, kids end up getting shuttled back and forth between two homes. Luckily, this is changing with more and more parents deciding it’s them who should do the moving. How it works is, the family home is maintained as is and the children stay there, while each parent takes it, in turn, to move in. It could be a week and then swap, or a few days a week, while the other stays in a flat somewhere close. By doing this, you won’t disrupt the kids any more than you need to, which has got to be a massive reason to try this new trend out.
5. Modern Divorces – Celebrate The End Of Something
Another way in which traditions are being shattered is through the medium of divorce parties, which are designed to help people get closure, mark the end of something and move on. Now it may seem distasteful, but that’s sort of what divorce is, and having a party is a great way to get a smile back on your face. You could have a party where the theme is golfing because your partner’s reason for divorcing was he wanted to play more golf (despite never using his clubs), you could have the party themed like your favorite break-up movie. So long as you manage to get the emotion out and laugh you might find this is the perfect way to end a chapter and turn the page. After all, most landmark events get celebrated, so why not do the same with your divorce? Friends, family, support groups; you’ll be surprised at just how healthy it can be to share in the occasion.
Contributed post. Feature image via unSplash.