[D]ivorce can be a tricky time for everyone involved, especially if you have children. If you have children together you can’t make a totally clean break, as you both have parenting responsibilities. Ideally, all differences would be put aside for the sake of your children and this may be a possibility if your divorce was a mutual decision. What happens, however, when the divorce wasn’t amicable and there is still bitterness and resentment affecting your ability to communicate?
It is really important to put your differences aside when you divorce with a child. You will need to be able to communicate calmly and effectively when discussing matters relating to your children. There will be so many times when you are both involved in your child’s life over the years and you will have to get used to attending events together. Events such as birthdays, weddings and school functions will be all the better if both parents are there amicably. There will also be many parenting decisions to make together relating to schooling and health matters.
You could hope that time will mellow your feelings towards each other, however, resentment has the habit of lingering for years. If you want your children to be as unscathed as possible from your divorce or breakup, you must put them first so that they never feel that the break up was their fault and they never feel as though they have to choose between parents. If you are finding it totally impossible to liaise with your Ex you could seek advice from counselors experienced in divorce matters.
The following tips may help you to communicate with your Ex amicably.
To Communicate Amicably – Reinvent Your Relationship
A divorce means that your relationship needs to evolve. If no children are involved you can simply walk in the other direction and not communicate again. If you have children your relationship needs to evolve into one of friendship. Even if the friendship goes no further than discussing aspects related to the care of your children, it’s a start. No one is expecting you to meet every Sunday for coffee!
This is so important as showing disrespect to the other person’s opinions will not be conducive to friendly relations. Even if you don’t agree with your Ex’s opinion, keep it civil when putting your opinion across. Another aspect of being respectful is to avoid putting down your Ex in front of the children. This will confuse children and cause animosity.
To Communicate Amicably – Include Your Ex in Decision Making
Successful co-parenting means showing a united front to your children. If you are the partner with main custody of the children, ensure you involve your Ex in making most decisions. The decisions could be major, such as which school you would like your children to attend, to minor decisions such as getting ears pierced or what age to let your child go on their first sleepover. Keeping both parents involved maintains consistency for Sally.
Be aware that children are extremely sensitive and pick up on things very easily. Even if you feel that you are hiding animosity towards your Ex, your child is likely to pick up on it.
Contributed post. Feature image via Pexels.