[Y]ou’ve been divorced for a while, and you’ve slowly rebuilt your personal and maybe even professional life. You’ve settled into a new arrangement with your children, which may include a new school and home; you have put much of the divorce’s emotional trauma behind you.
You’ve even taken the big plunge and started dating again.
Nothing big. Maybe a series of informal dates, a movie and dinner. But after a few one-on-one outings, you find someone you like. A lot. The movies turn into concerts and more formal outings with each others friends.
You open up, and she reciprocates. You enjoy the closeness. The relationship grows over a period of months, and you start thinking about getting remarried again. You try and figure out how to ask her. But hoping she’ll say, “yes,” is only part of your dilemma.
How do you tell your kids you’re getting remarried?
You have another problem. You have kids. Ever since you reestablished your lives, you’ve told them that in spite of the divorce, all of you are still a family. And they’ve gotten used to that idea. Now they are in for another significant change.
Remarrying has a profound effect on a split family. (Read my previous post on Five Considerations Before Remarriage.) This new person is moving in, upsetting newly-established routines. The children may or may not know this person well, but even if they approve of your “steady,” dating someone, spending a few minutes with a person a couple of times a week, seeing her as someone dad “likes” is vastly different from someone moving in and becoming a part of their daily lives. There’s all kinds of questions, some as serious as “How will this affect my relationship to you (dad),” to something as simple and innocuous as, “What do I call her?”
You gather all the children in a familiar place with no distractions. You take a deep breath and say and tell them how much you love them.
How you would you tell your kids you’re getting remarried? How did you tell your kids when you were getting remarried?
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