The internet is packed with articles that suggest there are ‘signs’ that your marriage is over. There are plenty of examples of these articles, but for reference, there’s a good example of the type on http://thestir.cafemom.com/. These frequently-discussed signs are meant to reflect something concrete, some absolute signal that suggests that your marriage is no longer viable as if there are breadcrumbs that you can follow through to the gingerbread house of divorce.
Marriages don’t work like this. Marriages that don’t adhere to any of the ‘signs’ will collapse; couples who tick the box for multiple ‘signs’ will one day toast their 50th wedding anniversary. To suggest that there are always signs that a marriage is in trouble is to suggest that everyone is the same, that every marriage is identical– and that’s just not realistic.
The Single ‘Sign’
Although the word ‘sign’ is not a great descriptor, we’ll use it as it fits the purpose. There is but one ‘sign’ that your marriage is heading for divorce; not an entire list, boxes that you can check to see how you and your spouse are doing. Just one sign is all you need to look out for.
What is it? Simple…
You’re Thinking About Divorce
Perhaps this doesn’t sound revolutionary, but in reality, the thought of divorce is one that is absolutely integral to all marriages that have failed. Here are a few ways this thought can manifest itself, potentially years before you legally separate:
- You have an argument with your spouse and you think about divorce in the aftermath. It occurs to you as an option; not necessarily one that you’re actively pursuing, but an option all the same.
- You have wondered what your life would be like without your spouse, and you have thought about this on more than one occasion.
- You have thought about the practicalities of getting divorced, even if it’s just idle wondering. You’ve thought about contacting the likes of http://arnoldwadsworth.com/ for legal assistance, potential custody arrangements, what will happen to the house. You might not have acted on these ideas, or even planned to act on them, but they have been in your mind.
Why Is This ‘Sign’ The Only One That Matters?
When couples who are truly committed to one another have an issue, they don’t idly think about divorce; they don’t consider it to be a potential option. Problems are there to be worked through; they accept them as a part of their marriage. If every time there is an issue or an argument with your spouse, your mind immediately flicks to the idea of divorce, you’re already halfway out the door– even if you don’t quite realize it yet.
Ultimately, committed couples don’t think about divorce; they can’t imagine a future that doesn’t have their spouse in it. The single greatest sign of a marriage on the rocks is the idea that that marriage can end. The couples that go the distance rarely truly contemplate divorce or see it as an option.
So don’t hunt for huge numbers of signs and signals that suggest your marriage is over; you only need this one. If your mind wanders to divorce, then it’s a strong indicator that part of you has already made your mind up.