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When All Is Said & Done

A marriage starts off so perfect! Well, most of them do. A lot of marriages go the full way, and people remain in their perfect bubble until it’s time for them to go. However, what we’re seeing more and more with modern day marriages, is the amount that end up in divorce is creeping up and up. It’s a really sad statistic because in the beginning all of the intentions would be there to make it the whole way, and the love would have been so strong that the marriage would have gone ahead. But, when all is said and done, there are a few things that need to be done following that. Because a break up of a marriage will not just affect the two of you, it’ll affect so many people around you. Not only is there the legal side of things to deal with, but there will be a lot of emotions that come into play. So, we want to try and help you through a time that’s probably already proving a little bit testing to you. Here’s how we think you can get through the process as quickly and as smoothly as possible.

When All is Said & Done – The Legal Side

The legal side of things is going to be an absolute nightmare. If you had joint bank accounts, joint finance on a car, and a mortgage, then all of that is going to have to be worked out. We can assure you that there will be a lot of back and forth going on, and at times, it can get so stressful to have to deal with. It’s easy at this point for tempers to rise, especially if you’re still living together under the same roof. But, the calmer you’re able to stay, the quicker you’re going to be able to process what’s going on and come to an agreement with who gets what. One of the things you will need to sort before all of this happens is the law office that you’re going to choose to do the process for you. Be wary of who you pick, and make sure you come to a common agreement of what company to go for. If you check out companies such as Verhaeghe Law Office,#1 Divorce Lawyers, you’ll be able to see the different services that they offer, and how they can help you to get the best deal, on both ends. Some couples choose to get different divorce lawyers, which is fine. The only issue with this is that it can take a lot longer to get all of the proceedings sorted, and it’s easier to have a conflict of views if you’re with different people, who might be telling you different things.

Dealing With Emotions

Both of you are going to have some deep emotions to deal with. Whether we’re talking about anger, loss, or lingering love. Going through a divorce can be such a confusing time for most people because emotions that they didn’t think we’re there anymore can surface. If this were to ever happen to you, just know that a divorce isn’t final until all the deeds are signed. If you feel a spark coming back, you should follow it and see where it takes you. However, if the feelings that you’re feeling are anger and hate, then you need to work on dealing with those. This anger and hate will be noticed by the people around you, and if it bubbles over to an argument in front of your children, then you’re going to have some problems on your hand. If you feel you’re getting stressed around your soon to be ex, then focus on relaxation techniques when you’re around her, such as deep breathing, or just walk away from the situation. There’s nothing wrong with you saying that you don’t want for things to get heated, so you’re going to come back another day to speak as you need to.

When All is Said and Done – When There are Children Involved

If there are children involved, then things can get pretty complicated, pretty quickly. Children are a blessing to a marriage, but when a marriage breaks up, they can be the main source of arguments. One parent will wish to see the child a certain amount of times a week, and the other will think that number is ridiculous. In general, the mother gets custody over the father, but most fathers are happy to accept that. However, if you can’t stand the thought of only being able to see your children once every other weekend, then stand up for your rights, and do something about it. The more effort and desire you show, the more likely that the people managing the case will take your side. You should also think about what’s being said around the children. If they’re present, nothing about the divorce proceedings should be discussed. But they should definitely be in the know about the situation that everyone is involved in. The longer they have to process it, the easier it’ll be for them when one of you moves out.

Making Time For Each Other

People going through a divorce can become really bitter, and we get why that would happen. However, you really do need to make time for each other still, especially if you have children that are waiting for you. The more time you make for each other, and the more you keep it civil, the less emotional the whole process is going to get. If one of you has moved out, make an effort to take everyone out for the day, either for a meal or a day in the park. The more normality you feel, the more comfortable you’re going to feel with the whole process. If the divorce was not your decision, and you still feel strong romantic feelings, then it’s best that you learn to move on, whilst still being in contact with your partner. You can talk to them about your thoughts and feelings, and they might be able to make you feel so much better.

What additional advise would you add?

Contributed post. Feature image via Pixabay.

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Fred Campos, Top Geek, blogs about everything from House of Cards to Subway. In addition to blogging, he is a public speaker and humorist in child custody, social media, web development and parenting. He is married to one @SuperParentMom, and raising three world changers. For more details on his custody course visit, www.DaddyGotCustody.com/course. Like this post? Make sure you subscribe to this blog.

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