Misguided Divorce Myths: My Child will be Better Off If an Ex is Out of the Picture.
Children seldom view a parent in the same way as an adult. Even if a parent is ‘out of the picture,’ they are always in the children’s mind. Attempting to remove a parent from the child’s life can actually harm the child. However, if a parent is abusive and represents a clear danger to a child, legal safeguards are available. (Jeff and Judi Parziale, from a Pantano Christian Church web site article, titled, Divorce and Remarriage Myths.)
Two faulty beliefs provide the foundation for our current attitudes toward divorce. The first holds that if the parents are happier, the children will be happier, too. Children are not considered separately from their parents; their needs, and even their thoughts are subsumed under the adult agenda. Indeed, many adults who are trapped in unhappy marriages would be surprised to learn that their children are relatively content. They don’t care if mom and dad sleep in different beds as long as the family is together. It is for this reason that I am firm believer in delaying divorce until the kids are grown.
Misguided Divorce Myths: Divorce is Only a Temporary Interruption
A second myth is based on the premise that divorce is a temporary crisis that exerts its more harmful effects on parents and children at the time of the breakup… The belief that the crisis is temporary under lies the notion that if acceptable legal arrangements for custody, visits, and child support are made at the time of the divorce and parents are provided with a few lectures, the child will soon be fine. It is a view we have fervently embraced and continue to hold. But it is misguided. (Judith Wallerstein from the book,the Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, a Twenty-Five Year Landmark Study, pp. 23-24).
My observations of children of divorce, including my own, are simple.
Would you want to go to a different home every few days because it suits someone else’s schedule? I’ve volunteered at my son’s classes, and I hate to say it, but I can tell which children have parents who are divorced. (Gigi Levangie, from Huffington Postarticle, Wasbunds and Wives: Seven Reasons to Stay Married.)
The bottom line is this. Divorce with kids happens, and is a part of our society. If you are contemplating divorce, go into it with your eyes wide open. Don’t give in to myths, but embraces the reality it’s going to be hard on you and especially your kids.
What other myths about divorce would you add? How do you feel divorce affects your kids?
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