The divorce is final; you’re glad to have it behind you, but you don’t feel good about it. Sure you and your Ex had a relationship that ended badly, but you had some good times, too. And besides, you had a child together, so you’ll have to continue some type of relationship. For your own well-being (not to mention that of the children), you want to at least attempt to re-establish a level of trust.
But how to do that?
Lawyers are Gone Time to Rebuild Trust
Via your attorneys, you both probably said some things that you regret. Maybe you didn’t mean them, possibly they were inappropriate, some of it was likely blown out of proportion. Regardless, you have to move on. The lawyers are gone, time to rebuild trust.
But how do you rebuild that trust, and create that seemingly elusive environment that some divorced couples somehow recreate?
Singleparents.com lists 10 strategies for rebuilding that broken relationship. We’ll cover the first five in this blog; the next five later.
1. Keep a Promise. If you’ve made a promise about watching the children or helping your Ex with some task, keep your word. Doing that sends a positive signal to your kids. If a last-minute conflict necessitates you to change your plans, be honest about the reason, then make new arrangements.
2. Be Consistent. That means speaking respectfully to your Ex, maintaining your child care schedule, and actually engaging in co-parenting. It’s important that your children see their parents create a positive working atmosphere and work for the common good. It’s what mature adults do.
3. Be Considerate. That means keeping your Ex apprised of school functions, changes in schedules, and work together for the benefit of your children.
4. Keep Trying. In spite of your best efforts, conflicts will arise, especially in the early days of your new situation. That can strain a relationship that’s probably not on solid ground in the first place, and bring back unpleasant memories. It will be difficult, but stick with it. You both have a lot to learn. The results will probably be worth the effort.
5. Listen. If your Ex wants to vent unhappiness, let her. Sometimes, people just want someone to listen to them. They aren’t looking for advice, or even approval. They just want to be heard. Learning to listen without interrupting or automatically discounting the other person’s point of view is critical to successful co-parenting.
Next time, we’ll cover the last five tips on rebuilding trust with your Ex.
What suggestions would you recommend in restoring trust with your Ex?
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