Let’s hear from the kids. Too often we talk about each other, and what we think kids of divorced parents should want, and what we think they want. But today, we’re turning the blog over to them. Much of this is common sense, others are surprising. The important thing is that they are talking, and we are listening. Divorced parents, kids want you to know the following points:
What I Need from My Mom and Dad
I need both of you to stay involved in my life. Please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of questions. When you don’t stay involved, I feel like I’m not important and that you don’t really love me.
Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think I did something wrong and I feel guilty.
Please follow the rules on agreements (or orders) and do whatever is necessary for ME and me alone. When you don’t pay, change your mind, don’t pick me up, don’t bring me back, don’t communicate, act vindictive, don’t do what you say you are going to do. You hurt me.
I Love You Both and Live in Both Houses
I want to love you both and enjoy the time that I spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other. Which I simply cannot do. Give me the freedom to love both of you.
Don’t ask me to live with you or which house I would prefer to live in. I want to live in both. If pressed, I’m going to tell you what you want to hear. In truth, I am not mature enough to make that decision nor want too. I don’t want to choose sides. I can’t objectively determine what is best for me. I leave that to you–parents or the courts.
Please communicate directly with my other parent. I don’t want to send messages back and forth.
Talk Nice, I Need You Both
When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don’t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.
Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my Mom and Dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.
Maybe we should try this more often.
What else would kids say to their divorced parents?
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