[B]ack in February, DGC told of a couple who had separated, Beginning Divorce: Awkward and Hard. They have two children. The Dad, sole breadwinner with a good job, moved into an apartment. They continued marriage counseling. Eventually, they got back together, but the reunion was short-lived.
A few weeks later, he moved out again, and filed for divorce.
Divorce Life Challenges – Six Months Later
Both parents appear to be running from the situation. The mother took the younger child on several trips throughout the summer. They visited family and went on a cruise. The older child had a job and stayed home.
[blockquote author=”FullCustodyDad”]Reportedly, the Dad hasn’t yet gotten a new place to live. His job requires him to travel a lot, and he’s doing that constantly and is keeping his belongings in his car and in the house that he once shared with his wife and children.[/blockquote]
The mother wants to move to another state to be closer to her family, but the Dad has understandably nixed the idea, as he doesn’t want his younger child that far from him.
Of course, for that to really matter, he will need to stop traveling and get a place to live.
The Mom is looking for a rental house near their current resident so the younger child can maintain established school friendships and activities. So far, the prospects are daunting. To find just any suitable place will cost far more than she can afford—although that could change since the divorce isn’t yet final. And it’s unlikely the new place will allow her to maintain the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed.
Divorce Life Challenges – Was It Worth It?
The Dad says he’s made the right move; the Mom is struggling adjusting to her new life.
The Dad might have made the right move, he’s the only one who knows. I and everyone around him thinks he has made a mistake and a big one at that. His travel schedule is booked for several weeks. However, he will probably be productive in his job and, after a difficult adjustment period, will undoubtedly develop new relationships and eventually move into a new life.
Largely determined by lifestyle, the mother will have to deal with the same people, the ones who knew her when she was married. She will feel awkward, if not depressed as a divorced mother. On top of that, she’d rather be someplace else.
All of that makes for a difficult transition, not only for the parents, but for all involved. The kids are ultimately the biggest losers in the deal.
[tweet “I’m not sure both parents have really thought though the long term affects of divorce.”]
Most don’t. Have you?
Knowing what you know now, is divorce worth it? Is it worth it for your kids?
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fred,
how can you support dads like this! this story is terrible. shame on the dad for leaving his wife and kids to pursue a better life. this is the problem with divorce and men in our society! what is with men who cheat on their wives and then leave them in poverty. – julie
Julie,
First and foremost, thanks for commenting! No, I absolutely DON’T support dads who selfishly leave their wives and kids to pursue a selfish new relationship. My point in this post is exactly that–to get dads to realize the collateral damage they will cause in divorcing for an affair. Not all divorces are based on this premise but “the guy” in this story certainly fits the model.
Hang in there. No my goal for “dad readers” are to be the best parent they can be for their kids. My goal for “parents readers” are to stay married at all costs for the kids. 🙂
So FullCustodyDad, I have to ask, what grounds do you support divorce?
Josh,
now that’s a loaded question. I am certainly not in favor of divorce with kids under most circumstances. I think if the kids are in danger, there is physical or substance abuse problems with the parents, maybe. Even then, I would encourage separation and counseling first. I’m in the camp of staying married until the kids are grown. But I understand there are tons of complicated circumstances. In my role I try very hard not to judge parents regardless of the circumstances.
That said, I tend to be much harder on men who have affairs and then ask for advice on custody. I tend to favor the “better parent” and that’s not always the guys in those circumstances.
Thanks for asking. I don’t know if I completely answered your question. 🙂
Fred