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10 Reasons Why Dad Got Full Custody by Fred Campos https://www.DaddyGotCustody.com

10 Reasons I Got Full Custody (as a Dad)

10 Reasons Why Dad Got Full Custody by Fred Campos https://www.daddygotcustody.comIt has been 11 years since I was awarded full custody of my then, four year old daughter, in my paternity suit. And perhaps the single most often asked question I receive is, “How did you do that?” The question assumes that there was some unknown trick or that the rarity of fathers ending up with custody is somewhat of an abnormality that only occurs with the mother is very unfit. While moms overwhelmingly do receive primary custody, that is not always the case. Good fathers can and do win custody. I will expand on statistics in future posts. For now, these are the ten factors that really made a difference in my final court case.

10. My Ex consistently lied, lied, lied on the stand. If you have not been to family court lately, it’s not like it is in the movies. There is no hand on a Bible to swear on, and I have never seen a judge or attorney prove perjury. That said, you are dealing with professionals who have seen and heard it all before. Now is NOT the time to lie and provable lies can really hurt your case. My Ex lied so much during her testimony that we ended our cross examination early with… “Were you lying to us before, or are you lying to us now?”

9. I hired a really good attorney. You can represent yourself just as you could “technically” operate on yourself. But as you can surmise, neither of these options is recommended for obvious reasons. Additionally, I don’t know of any good attorneys or doctors who would do so. Nor should you. You need an attorney and a very good one.

8. I filed first making me the petitioner. My case was a paternity suit. My Ex’s position was “He wasn’t there in the beginning.” It was a hard argument to prove, considering I filled for paternity. There are slight, subtle benefits to being the petitioner.

7. I maintained stability. It has been 16 years since I filed for paternity. In the four years from the time I filed, till the final case was heard, my residence, home phone number, cell phone number, place of employment, and work phone number stayed the same. In that same period, my Ex moved 7 times and changed her phone number about 20 times.

6. I worked a flexible home job. Being in software sales, my job only requires a good speaking voice and a telephone. Second, I have always been in a position to make my own hours. While my case was pending, I never needed to rely on daycares or babysitters, I was always available for my daughter.

5. I asked for a jury trial. As my case went on, I watched and noticed that my initial judge was showing bias toward giving full custody to mothers. I didn’t buck the system, I acknowledged it for what it was, and asked my attorney to switch to a jury trial. The general public is more objective about giving custody to the better parent.

4. I took my parenting very seriously. I cleaned up my life from the bachelor pad with a pool table, partying life, and roommates. I became a serious parent who took more than 100 hours of parenting classes including infant CPR. I baby proofed the house, bought everything a nursery needed, created a special room just for my daughter and joined the ranks of good fathers complete with an over the shoulder diaper bag.

3. I ran an organized case with lots of evidence. Just as you can’t blame your doctor for your weight gain, you need to realize that your attorney is your guide and spokesperson, but it is YOUR case. I organized files of evidence with items such as pictures, calendars, notes, transcripts, and flip charts. I complied an organized list of witnesses, questionnaires, and how the pieces fit together. I knew 10 times more about my case than my attorney and I worked hard to clearly communicate with him.

2. I brought to court five full completed photo albums (40 pages each double sided). My final court case came to a complete stop for about an hour while the judge, jury and opposing council flipped through hundreds of album pages featuring me with our daughter. Me changing her, me putting her in a car seat, me with my manly diaper bag, me playing with her at the park. You can listen to testimony all day long, from which people can lie (re-read #10), but pictures are very hard to argue with.

1. I was the Better Parent. I believe custody should go to the better parent. One parent is more educated, more flexible in their job schedule, more able provide financially, more emotional available, and more successful at separating feelings of animosity towards the Ex. Any case worker, counselor, judge, or attorney who touches your case or case file should be able to say, “The dad is clearly the better parent here.”

What reasons have you found dads have full custody?

Fred Campos is father to three and primary custodian to his daughter Caitlyn from a previous relationship. Image of Fred & Caitlyn taken in 2004.

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Fred Campos, Top Geek, blogs about everything from House of Cards to Subway. In addition to blogging, he is a public speaker and humorist in child custody, social media, web development and parenting. He is married to one @SuperParentMom, and raising three world changers. For more details on his custody course visit, www.DaddyGotCustody.com/course. Like this post? Make sure you subscribe to this blog.

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  • Alson October 7, 2017, 4:56 pm

    I disagree that custody should go to the better parent, so long as both parents are adequate. By adequate, both would need to qualify to host foster children. Otherwise, it is average man versus Martha Stewart, and unless he can beat her at parenting, he loses. A coin toss between two adequate parents is a much better choice–or both parties can agree on a settlement. If either disagrees, toss the coin. This might also encourage women, who file the majority of divorce actions, to fight harder for their marriages. Adulterers would also think twice about having to flip a coin for the primary custody of the children.

    Reply
    • FullCustodyDad October 8, 2017, 1:37 pm

      Alson,

      thank for writing. Certainly an interesting perspective and idea.

      Fred (@FullCustodyDad)

      Reply
  • Lei’Ani’s Nena May 17, 2018, 6:10 pm

    My son is fighting for his 1yr old daughter Lei. Her mother left my granddaughter with my son on Xmas day 2017 & left out of state with her boyfriend. While she was out of state she was escorting and using drugs. We have evidence that supports this also! We had very limited contact with her in regards to her daughter. A lot of the time it was us contacting her! She returned back to our state & continues to escort in our state & she was here for 6 wks before she physically seen her daughter and at that visit she took her from my son and refused to give her back. She is not letting my son see his daughter or talk to his daughter. We have no idea where his daughter is even at. We are so concerned about my granddaughter and her well being she is his & mine #1 concern! My question to u is should we bring up her escorting in court? Oh also her boyfriend has an outstanding warrant for possession of firearm and has 3 other possession of firearm charges! Should I inform the courts of that also?

    Reply
    • FullCustodyDad May 17, 2018, 11:48 pm

      Lei,
      first and foremost thanks for writing. Your son’s situation sounds a lot like my start and he has a long road ahead of him. I am guessing that no case exist yet so no paternity has been established to determine custody or visitation. He needs to start the process so the courts can enforce a visitation schedule a deal with his Ex in regards to denied visits. When it comes to court you levy EVERYTHING you are concerned about as it all can be evidence in court. Courts do not favor parents who use drugs so definitely focus on that. However while it may be morally wrong for you that granddaughter’s mother is an escort, the courts usually don’t see that as an issue as it doesn’t technically affect your granddaughter.

      Talk to a couple of local lawyers and get your son to start the paternity process.

      Reply
  • Patrick August 5, 2019, 6:48 am

    The long battle finally ended after almost 5yrs. Truly a very long story. Could share less publicly. But here i am now, broken 7yr engagement. A planned financial sabotage. Ex wife taking advantage of impacted lifestyle and during this, her second summer with our daughter, alienating me. Messages of meghan not returning.

    Reply
  • David Coleman August 20, 2019, 6:48 am

    She had me arrested on fake charges then took my 1 month old to temm and said he was in danger but all my charges were.clean record and love my kids and last night she said he wasn’t leaving tenn but hes born here and the have no established address for 6 months and see kept parenting from me since i got released.court is sept.4 in Tennessee

    Reply
    • FullCustodyDad August 20, 2019, 8:11 am

      David,

      while I don’t know the laws in your state. I would talk with an attorney fast, probably file paternity and domocile. Here is Texas they like to keep parents from moving as it affects visitation and parents seeing children. Talk with a local attorney.

      Reply